This is fucking brilliant. Nestled in the back of Scribd app like a late night Channel 4 movie you have no idea what the fuck it’s about, The Given and the Taken is silly, funny, so-bad-it’s-good, sexy, gay vampire porn. It contains some belters of sentences, a preoccupation with sufficient quantities of lube, and puns, puns, puns!

With no offence to the author, the one thing they can write is sex scenes, and the one thing they cannot write is everything else. But play to your strengths and learn by doing – fuck yeah! The book opens with the most ridiculously convoluted plot, explained on the first page as exposition simply thought by the main character as he stands alone in the woods doing nothing. There is then a scene of dramatic revelation, which is not so dramatic for the reader since it involves characters we’ve never seen before or are invested in, set in a supernatural world we don’t know the rules to. It’s like, do you even know how to write a story? You can’t start a book with dramatic revelation about people we have no knowledge of! And yet this reckless beginning kind of sets the tone of a book endearing in its amateurish lack of pretension, a book that says, “Fuck being an adult, I wanna watch werewolves fuck! WHEEEEE!” You go little book, take me with you little book.

Utterly unbelievable emotional reactions ensure this novel climaxes in the coming together of a three-man vampire-werewolf thrupple. Good. I did not come to gay vampire porn for the emotional realism. I came to read explicit descriptions of impossibly perfect sex.

Beautiful B-movie erotic nonsense. Just what I like.